Thanks

Thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate them and reminded me of those things I already knew or should have known

The kids before Church


We went up to the Delta Center and watched BYU play. All the kids cared about was the food which of course was nachos and hot dogs. Poor Anna was miserable. It was too loud for her





The kids went to Thanksgiving Point to see the lights, Santa and reindeer. But it was 5 degrees outside and they did not stay long.


Proof that yes, you can fit three carseats in the back of a camry.


So this may make me a dork but just this season I am really realizing that Christmas is not about the day, but about the time leading up to it. Both the kids cannot wait for Christmas, but by the time that day comes, everything is done. I hosted a thanksgiving at my house and it went fairly well. I am in charge of the food for Christmas so if anyone has any awesome recipes send them my way. Charlotte knows how to read now thanks to the Literacy center. Anna is crawling, though the only reason I know is because she is in a different place in the room when I come back. When I watch her, I would swear she is not moving. Ben has developed a fear for ghosts, though we do not know where it came from. Bedtime is an ordeal.

Here is Anna helping rake leaves! And by helping of course I mean eating



He is gonna kill me for this someday but I cannot resist. Something about the look on his face and the pose just kill me. The headband helps too


Anna loves to put all food in her mouth, and suckers are no exception. She really has the best smile. Every time I see it I have to grin back at her.

The kids want to pick her up and carry her all the time, which I am learning is normal. No matter how many times they drop her, they do not understand why I discourage it.



This fantastically beautiful picture was going to be my christmas card. Maybe next year I will be more on top of things. Thanks Kristin!
I know all I do is ramble in these posts, but I figure something is better than nothing!

Feelings of Inadequacy

Ok, I'm pretty sure these feelings are unwarranted, but lately I have been feeling as the title tells inadequate. I have gone to visit multiple friends in the neighborhood and their houses are all spotless and completely organized. I swear they have to have a maid. They all have kids around my age and I just do not see how they do it. Their houses look like they come out of catalogues. Yes, I know they knew I was coming, but even if I had 2 weeks notice I could not get my house to look like that. Aynway, I was just hoping for some words of encouragement. "It's ok Lauren, my house does not look that way all the time", or "that does not make them better than you." Or does it? Anyway, that's where I am right now. I cannot seem to get over the funk so I was hoping for some help. Thanks

Six years

It has been six year since we lost our Evelyn. The pain of losing her will never leave my heart, though there are days when I will not think of her at all. I used to feel guilty when I would not think of her for one whole day. But I know now that she would never begrudge us happiness. In the months and years after losing her I could never have pictured my life where it is now. I have three, three beautiful, happy children. I could not fathom that such a life was possible for me afterwards. When I lost Evelyn I also lost my naiveness. Pregnancy would never be an easy and carefree process. Yet, that is not a bad thing. I would like to think I cherish my children more now because of the struggles we endured to get them here. But then I also worry that sometimes I do not appreciate them enough because of how truly special they are. I know that there are many people who suffer much more than we have and my heart breaks for them. Everytime a pregnancy goes off without a hitch I almost cannot believe it. I have moved so much since I lost Evelyn that there are people who know nothing about her. Sometimes it feels like a betrayal to her not to share her existence with people and then there are times when I want to keep her to myself. I miss her, I wonder what she would have been like, and yet I cannot imagine my life with her in it anymore. That may sound rude, but I cannot imagine what life would be like if Charlotte were not the big sister and Ben was the only boy amongst three girls. Plus, the biggest thing, that we would not have Charlotte if we had not lost Evelyn. I talk about her to the kids and remind them they have a big sister watching over them. I walk around with my three kids and wonder how people see me. Do women who are struggling to get pregnant look at me and think " she has no idea how lucky she is"? I used to judge women who had children after I lost Evelyn. I hope now that I am a little less quick to judge because we never know everything about anyone. If I think about losing Evelyn too much it is overwhelming because there are so many little things that led to her death and too much blame can be placed at my feet. I have learned to love the time we had with her and just be sad by the fact that she is not a part of our family here on earth. Well, at least that is my plan. I am so grateful to have had a supportive husband throughout all of this. I could not have gotten through it without him. I am grateful to my Mother in law, who visits Evelyn's grave everyday and talks to her. I have a great family. There are not many pictures I would share of Evelyn. They are too personal and I shy away from the reaction of people. She was my beautiful baby and that is the only way I want to see her. I will post something later. I had a wonderful doctor who did everything he could to make us feel safe and secure in our future pregnancies even though I spent the entire time unable to picture my baby in my arms. I had a wonderful friend who was there to talk whenever I needed her and truly knew how important my daughter was. I could not have made it through it without the help of some wonderful people. Thank you

I hate Winter

I just wanted to start off by saying how much I hate winter. I can feel the impending doom. I love the people in this area, but man I could do without snow. Who needs changing seasons? It is sure not me. This is for two reasons, the first being I did not grow up with changing seasons and therefore do not care. The second is because my kids are stuck inside all winter long because I don't do cold. Last year, from October til April, half of the year, it was too cold to play outside. Why bother? Ok, I'm done with that. Someday I will move somewhere else. Until then, I will deal with it.




This is Ben on Charlotte's bike. When she goes to preschool we go on a walk and he always gets to ride her bike. He does not mind the pink. He thinks he is such hot stuff when he rides. I have tried bribing him to potty train, saying that we will get him a big boy bike when he starts going. Not working in the slightest. He has his own little blue bike that he learned to bike on and I love, but Charlotte's is always better.




Charlotte is going to be Daphne for halloween this year. This is her in her costume and Ben in the wig. Aren't they adorable?






Here are some picture from the fair. The kids loved it, and the adults got sick. The usual







These are some older pictures a friend from our ward took a few months back. They turned out well and the kids had a great time posing. I am very blessed to have three happy and healthy children.

Killed my computer

Also, I managed to give my computer a virus and killed it. I have not had my computer for over a month now. So the only time I have one is when Doug's is here.

The joy of the 3rd child

(Can't find this picture again to flip it, sorry)
When asked about having the third kid, most people told me that it is hard because you are finally outnumbered. That is true, bue since most of the day it is just me, I've been outnumbered for 2 1/2 years now. What no one mentioned to me is the joy of the third baby. Just now do I finally feel like I know what I'm doing and so I am not stressing over everything. I should have been to that point with Ben, but he was a boy and was so different from Charlotte. Time goes by so quickly that it helps me to remember the little joys of a baby. She is a doll. When she smiles I see her gums. Whenever we go places I always get comments on what a cutie she is. Anyway, the joy of a third child is the number of people that can love her. It is not just Doug and I that love her. There is Charlotte and Ben as well. They enjoy her so much. Anna smiles at Charlotte all the time. Charlotte loves to spend as much time as she can trying to make Anna laugh. When the kids hear Anna on the baby monitor, they run up to lay down next to her and talk to her as she fully wakes up. She is a mellow, happy little baby. We are blessed to have her in our home. Our days have gotten a lot busier since she was born, but they are full of smiles and joy. She can roll over both ways now and scoots around backwards and in a circle. She has learned to blow rapsberries (by the way, have never understood that term) and I know I have no chance of her going back to sleep at 5 in the morning when she makes that noise. Tries to grab my cup every chance I get, and usually adds some curdled milk to the drink. She is reaching for everything now, and thinks everything is for her. Favorite toys are my toothbrush (will be buying a new one) and spoons.


There has been great fun going on at the Burke household. Charlotte and Ben both started gymnastics. The classes are at the same time, which is nice and a pain at the same time. Charlotte has now "mastered" a cartwheel. She is glad to show anyone who asks. They really enjoy the class and I am too because I have absolutely no expectation of them learning how to do anything. Charlotte is in preschool now too. Ben is so sad. He misses her every time she goes. It's hard to let Charlotte go, even just to preschool. I cannot believe kindergarten will start next year. Lehi library has the cutest storytime and I think I enjoy it more than the kids.

We went to the zoo courtesy of my aunt last week. We never made it during the summmer and I will never go when it is hot again. This time it was cool and not busy because everyone was in school. And, all the animals were out and about because they were not dying of heat. We saw the cutest baby elephant and giraffe. And, as usual, their favorite parts are not the animals, but the 2 minute train ride and the carousel.




A few weeks ago they went to the fair with Bonnie and has such a blast. They rode almost all the rides and even managed to make Bonnie feel pretty queasy. Their favorite ride was the Tilt A Whirl. Doug forgot the camera on this trip though! And cannot find Bonnie's on our camera. Baby is fussing, will update later.

Lehi

Brittany kindly reminded me that I forgot to tell you where we moved. We moved to Lehi, just twenty minutes from where we were.

Catch up

K, I promise I have excuses. I know it has been forever. We are moved in, though we have a room that we do not look at because technically I still need to unpack it. My grandma has been in the ICU. She had a kidney stone that caused a kidney infection. She is, miraculously, a lot better. My brother got married last Thursday which brought family with it. I will share some pics now. Ok, I just realized that Doug's computer has most of the pictures, so we will do this in two posts!



Ben and his tractor. A side story, Grandma Donna bought the kids some erasers for school. Ben calls them his racers and tries to get them to go because they are racers. We keep trying to explain that they are Erasers and not racers, but they are still his favorite toy at the moment.


Here are Anna and Taylor, only a month apart. He is the best little baby, but then again, so is Anna.

We spent the 4th with Doug's family. Aunt Diane hosted, and was a firework Nazi. We had the bare minimum fireworks because last year Justin burned his hand pretty good. The only people dissapointed by this were the adults, the kids could not have cared less. They loved Aunt Diane!




I never thought I would love my 3rd baby so much. But I think now I realize and appreciate how quickly these stages end. She smiles almost the whole time she is up. She shows her gums she grins so big. She still sleeps well, which is a big plus. She loves to stand up, or sit up. No tummy time for her. Charlotte calls her Chubbers, which is cute because really, she is not chubby. Ben and Charlotte both want to get right in her face and speak so loudly. It drives me nuts! She is sweet and cuddly. She sucks her thumb occasionally and that is the darn cutest thing. Have you ever tried sucking your thumb? I tried it, it is not easy. Darn those teeth.


We blessed Anna and my grandmother graciously offered to do the luncheon afterward. I am still kinda floundering with three kids. It's a lot. It's not necessarily hard, but it's consuming. Doug talks about being done with three and I don't blame him. I'm not done with three, but I get where he is coming from.


Charlotte is the child I could not do without. She is so willing to help and wants to do the right thing. Though she does have a little bit of attitude. I know I should not get angry, since she gets it from me. She told me yesterday that she wants to be a boy so that she does not have to get her hair done. I told her I didn't like doing her hair any more than she likes to get it done. I am no good at it, I just don't want her to look mangy in public.



Doug shaved his head and so we went ahead and shaved Ben's too. I regretted it immediately, but it's hair and it grows back. I love to rub his head. The kids and Doug will be going camping this weekend. I would go, except that Anna, like all my kids, hates the car and screams most of the drive. I could not stand it for 2 1/2 hours.

During the wedding ceremony my mother started to cry, as did some other family members. Charlotte was confused and so she started crying too. When asked why, it was because everyony else was. She loved all the attention she got there though





My little brother and his wife Ashley. He surprised her with a cruise for the honeymoon.


My daughter has got a crush on this guy here. We had him over for dinner last night and she just watched him wash dishes. She is smitten. She just grinned the whole time. By the way, who would not love a man who comes to your house and cleans the dishes? Ok, enough for now. Hope all is well with you guys!

July

Found I never published this......

Anna is 11 weeks old now! I cannot believe how fast time has gone. She is a doll. She is a very mild mannered baby. She warns us when she is going to get upset by stiffening and raising her arms up above her head. Then the crying starts. Charlotte and Ben love her but they do not seem to know how to stay out of her face. They always put their faces right in front of hers and yell. They cannot talk normal. now

Good friends

The big sis


He doesn't look at all awkward


How cool are they?


Daddy took them to pose in front of two tractors. When I saw the pictures, I could not have told you they were two different tractors

So we are moving. We are lucky because we are in no hurry to leave. But I am busy. Thank goodness for friends and family. Doug's brother has donated two Saturdays to helping us. His wife came and helped me pack and clean when she should have been off having fun since her children were away. Many people have offered to help us pack and move. Yesteday two of my friends Marla and Christy spent hours cleaning the walls and baseboards. Marla held my baby so I could clean. I do not put my babies down, as many of you can attest to. So all of this has been very hard for me to do. How am I supposed to pack while holding a baby? I would have lost my mind by now if not for my great friends and family. I am very blessed. I honestly am very sad to leave because I love my neighborhood. There are many good friends like the Cowdells and Kleins and the Hams who love my children so completely. That's what a mom wants, to have her children surrounded by people who love them. Plus, I've turned a little anti-social being in my secluded neighborhood. When we go for walks, we may not see another person the whole time, except driving by in cars. Plus, I will have to clean my bathrooms for the first time in 2 years! I have loved Sandy our maid. Yes, I am spoiled. I have to leave my 2 acre backyard and patio area where my kids can ride their bikes! I am whiny and I apologize but thank you for letting me vent. Doug is very excited to move and to have projects. So I need to be excited.

Anna is getting pudgy. Doug loves pudgy babies. She does not look like a newborn to us anymore at all. We love her so much. She is so diferent from our others. She is adorable, not that our other kids were not adorable. She is fun. But she does not nap well. She has decided that midnight is an acceptable bedtime. But she sleeps well through the night. She only wakes up once or twice through the night, which is crazy for my kids. She will take catnaps through the day, which is a bit annoying. The kids try so hard to help me. I am so grateful to have kids that I actually enjoy.




Charlotte got her first haircut from my aunt. She stayed so still! She wanted it a lot shorter but I could not part with her beautiful long hair. So we just evened it out.

Pictures